Lately, I've been struggling with the reality that because I'm young, people tend to vastly underestimate my ability to do my job as well as I know I can. In this instance, I'm referring to Church ministry and I am referring to no church in particular (as this happens nearly everywhere I go with occasional, refreshing exceptions). Interestingly enough, I feel like an old man because I'm 26 and out-of-shape. But people see me as young and inexperienced and to be perfectly honest, after spending more than half of my life dedicated to honing my skills for this corner of ministry, that really hurts. I mean, I take it with a grain of salt because with the relatively profound lack of capability I've seen in many people in my field in this age range, it shouldn't surprise me that people don't automatically put me in the same category. If I give it time, my qualifications will become quite apparent.
As I try to see the situation from other people's perspective, I wonder if they might think that because I'm musically talented, I don't know anything about the administrative side of worship ministry. Maybe I'm just a talented musician who has it in his head that doing church ministry will be easy. It surprises me because I can't imagine how I could have been actively worship leading for this long without already amassing a wealth of administrative experience. Logic dictates that if I approach the development of my leadership skills with even half the tenacity I put toward my musical development, I'd be pretty dang good. But I often wonder if people assume that my abilities are evidence of a complete lack of competence in other disciplines - as if one could not be good at both music and leadership.
It's hard, really, to see the path one has walked. When you meet someone for the first time who surprises you with unusual abilities; from your perspective, they came out of nowhere. From that other person's perspective, they're the product of years of sweat, blood, and tears. I didn't just roll out of bed one morning and start playing the piano and then discover I could also sing and play the guitar. I struggled with my fingers. I wrestled with the limitations of my voice. I spent hours developing the skills that now allow me now to effortlessly play back songs that I have merely heard. Almost non-stop, I've been actively studying music for almost two decades. My talent was not dropped into my lap: I had to earn it.
The musical side of worship ministry is a cinch. The administrative side of it is where it gets really challenging. Most people assume I don't know that. I get it. It's a fact that takes most people by surprise. But I've been wrestling with the demons of church ministry for far too long to be oblivious to its woes. I bear too many scars from my experience to be naive about the hurdles I'm about to face. I may be young, but I'm no beginner. I know how to deal with egos because I have one. I know how to address insecurities because I'm still dealing with my own. I know what it's like to be territorial. I know what it's like to battle mental illnesses. I know personality disorders and psychological conditions. I know rejection and loneliness. I know the thirst for control. I know the feeling of being under-valued. I know what it's like to be unfairly judged. I've seen hate swarm through a church's veins.
I'm not saying that I know everything that there is to know, but I didn't get this far by keeping my mind closed. I am a lifelong student. I'm not afraid to make mistakes, but I rarely make the same ones twice. I know what I'm doing: I'm a trained and experienced professional.
While I was doing yard work today, I was reminded of this verse: 1 Timothy 4:12 "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
When I serve in a church, I am a caretaker first and a musician second. Don't think that because I'm a long-haired music guy that I don't know anything about being a pastor. The entire reason I step into this occupation is not for a chance to avoid working for a living, but because music ministry helped me know Christ more deeply than I might ever have without it and I want to help other people experience that same awesome blessing and privilege. I believe that God has called me to make this world a better place and that he has called me to serve, mentor, and empower the musicians in the church to serve the congregation in praise of our great Savior. I have no greater goal than that I might be an instrument by which others come to know Christ.
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