Curiosity led me back to the sanctuary as I followed the sound of a young woman crying. The young men and women standing in the aisles wailed in sympathy. Their corporate vocalizations rose together to form an almost other-worldly sound, filling the room and rising to the ceiling. I had listened intently to the entire message and to the words of the closing song. The entire service was beautiful to the ears and the eyes but entirely meaningless. I, who will not withhold an "amen" when the pastor 'says it how it is,' had sat stone-cold silent in the wooden flippy-bottom chair through the entire sermon.
After standing by the sound booth for what seemed to be an eternity, I finally decided to return back to my seat. My friend looked at me,
"Did you say something?"
"What? Oh, I didn't say anything. I have a lot to say, but not right now."
"About this?" she asked.
"Yea."
"Is it bad?"
I pressed my lips together and nodded.
The Mountain
I remember when I had my first mountaintop experience. I was at Christian Summer camp and I was a high schooler. All of the independence and being away from my parents for a week just made this a choice time for me. The speakers were moving and the music was powerful. When I felt emotions for the first time during praise and worship, I thought they would always be there when the band played. Certainly, my experience wasn't contrived: it was completely genuine.
But returning home hit me in the face like a sack of bricks. The next step in this experience was how I watched my spiritual buzz fade over the next few weeks. It didn't take long for me to return to where I had been before. I felt spiritually dead again and I couldn't wait for my next revival. Next summer, I got my fix and I cruised on that high for a few weeks and then it just died again like the first time. My conclusion at the time was that this would be a necessary cycle in order to stay connected with God.
My next fix was supposed to be on the Mexico missions trip in the Spring with my youth group. I went the whole week and no buzz. Oh well! There's always summer camp! But amazingly, no buzz then either! I was concerned at first, but the message I got from God was clear and it's impacted my life more profoundly than any emotional experience I've ever had: "Don't expect any more of those mountaintop highs. That time of your life was fun and important, but it's over and I need you to move on and grow up. I love that you can worship me when it feels wonderful, but now I want you to learn how to worship me when you feel nothing."
I'll admit that I'm not the greatest of Biblical scholars, but I'm having a hard time finding where Jesus said, "If you truly love me, you'll feel it." The message I get from many churches today that if you don't feel the Spirit, you don't have the Spirit. But wouldn't it make so much more sense if the Holy Spirit was a whole lot more than a drug? It's hard for me to understand why God would be okay with being put into that kind of a box. I really believe that the purpose of my emotional experiences during my Summer camps was for God to make Himself real to me - to announce to me personally that He exists. That's when I fell in love with God. So, you might say that I was in the honeymoon stage.
To stand in a room full of people dancing and making noise in response to nothing worth getting excited about breaks my heart. I truly believe that God is worth our undignified praise, but it is impossible to truly praise Him without acknowledging His awesome attributes. The point of unified corporate worship is that we acknowledge and celebrate God's praiseworthy attributes as a group!
But who are we to go into worship expecting to receive blessings from God? No matter how badly life is going, we still absolutely need to remind ourselves how we have already been blessed. If you're waiting for God's blessings to begin, you're already missing them. Do you want to know how to maximize God's blessings in your life? Observe the pattern of God's provision in your life that has you standing in His presence today. It's easier to have faith that God's goodness in your life will continue than that they have yet to begin. If you're waiting for that 'breakthrough,' you clearly don't realize that the real breakthrough that you need happened two-thousand years ago when Jesus died on the cross.
Wanting more of God is like taking a shower under Niagara Falls and wanting more water. He's given us more of Himself than we could ever contain. Church, the deficit is not in His presence: it's in our recognition of His presence. I'm not saying that it's wrong to ask God for a fulfilling relationship, a raise, a promotion, financial relief, physical healing, a new car, a better house, for a positive pregnancy test, or a negative one, etc... But get it out of your mind that God's sitting up there waiting to grant your wishes as soon as you vocalize them or after you've passed His "tests" for you.
Our purpose on here as a Church is SERIOUS, not a bunch of silly tests to see if we're worthy of Heaven. The truth is that we're not worthy of Heaven but Jesus made it so that we can still enter its gates. The reason for the trials in our lives is because our lives have purpose! Hell is no laughing matter! It's a terrible place and God has commissioned us to reach out to those who, like us, are damned apart from God's grace.
But returning home hit me in the face like a sack of bricks. The next step in this experience was how I watched my spiritual buzz fade over the next few weeks. It didn't take long for me to return to where I had been before. I felt spiritually dead again and I couldn't wait for my next revival. Next summer, I got my fix and I cruised on that high for a few weeks and then it just died again like the first time. My conclusion at the time was that this would be a necessary cycle in order to stay connected with God.
My next fix was supposed to be on the Mexico missions trip in the Spring with my youth group. I went the whole week and no buzz. Oh well! There's always summer camp! But amazingly, no buzz then either! I was concerned at first, but the message I got from God was clear and it's impacted my life more profoundly than any emotional experience I've ever had: "Don't expect any more of those mountaintop highs. That time of your life was fun and important, but it's over and I need you to move on and grow up. I love that you can worship me when it feels wonderful, but now I want you to learn how to worship me when you feel nothing."
Addicted to Ecstasy
I'll admit that I'm not the greatest of Biblical scholars, but I'm having a hard time finding where Jesus said, "If you truly love me, you'll feel it." The message I get from many churches today that if you don't feel the Spirit, you don't have the Spirit. But wouldn't it make so much more sense if the Holy Spirit was a whole lot more than a drug? It's hard for me to understand why God would be okay with being put into that kind of a box. I really believe that the purpose of my emotional experiences during my Summer camps was for God to make Himself real to me - to announce to me personally that He exists. That's when I fell in love with God. So, you might say that I was in the honeymoon stage.
To stand in a room full of people dancing and making noise in response to nothing worth getting excited about breaks my heart. I truly believe that God is worth our undignified praise, but it is impossible to truly praise Him without acknowledging His awesome attributes. The point of unified corporate worship is that we acknowledge and celebrate God's praiseworthy attributes as a group!
But who are we to go into worship expecting to receive blessings from God? No matter how badly life is going, we still absolutely need to remind ourselves how we have already been blessed. If you're waiting for God's blessings to begin, you're already missing them. Do you want to know how to maximize God's blessings in your life? Observe the pattern of God's provision in your life that has you standing in His presence today. It's easier to have faith that God's goodness in your life will continue than that they have yet to begin. If you're waiting for that 'breakthrough,' you clearly don't realize that the real breakthrough that you need happened two-thousand years ago when Jesus died on the cross.
Wanting more of God is like taking a shower under Niagara Falls and wanting more water. He's given us more of Himself than we could ever contain. Church, the deficit is not in His presence: it's in our recognition of His presence. I'm not saying that it's wrong to ask God for a fulfilling relationship, a raise, a promotion, financial relief, physical healing, a new car, a better house, for a positive pregnancy test, or a negative one, etc... But get it out of your mind that God's sitting up there waiting to grant your wishes as soon as you vocalize them or after you've passed His "tests" for you.
Our purpose on here as a Church is SERIOUS, not a bunch of silly tests to see if we're worthy of Heaven. The truth is that we're not worthy of Heaven but Jesus made it so that we can still enter its gates. The reason for the trials in our lives is because our lives have purpose! Hell is no laughing matter! It's a terrible place and God has commissioned us to reach out to those who, like us, are damned apart from God's grace.
Let me finish!!!
This will probably come as a disappointment to many, but Christ did not die for your weekly or daily climax. I sincerely believe that to stand before the altar in the expectation or even determination to be enveloped in a spine-tingling emotional release is entirely selfish. "Worshiping" God for the feelings and the blessings is missing the point of worship. God's blessings cannot be bought by anything we have to offer. He will send us relief at the proper time, but for nothing but His purposes alone. Sometimes, He is just waiting for us to ask. But many times, He's got something bigger cooking than we can possibly understand. If you want a miracle, think about the fact that God hasn't destroyed you even though you completely deserve it. God is not here to serve us. We're here to serve Him and it is for His pleasure, not ours, that we worship.
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