"The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."
~Brennan Manning~
I was amazed as I watched his frail figure command the attention of the chronically restless crowd. The students at Point Loma Nazarene University tend to despise having to attend chapel every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 9:45am until 10:30am (and we were seldom released on time). We've had some incredible speakers come through with poignant messages and charismatic presences, but none equaled this: an extremely elderly man, dressed in somewhat ridiculous looking overalls, and so weak, he had to be helped up the stairs very slowly. The pauses between his words revealed a deafening silence that made it evident that the attention of every soul in that room clung to the words he spoke.
I was excited to hear him speak because of one quote I'd heard of his. I heard it over and over again between two of the tracks on my dcTalk "Supernatural" CD and one day looked up to find out who had originally made such a heart-wrenching but accurate statement. I knew nothing about his life or his ministry. All I knew is that if someone could be the author of a phrase that has stuck in my head for years and years, he had to be worth hearing. Brennan Manning did not disappoint.
But truthfully, I don't even remember what he talked about that day, but I always go back to that quote that's burned into my memory: "The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable." And what I end up getting out of it is that I really don't want to act like a Christian. I'm not saying that I don't want my life transformed by Christ. Actually, I don't really care what I look like to people, but I want to bear the fruit of a transformed life.
The trouble that I find often takes place for people who decide to take their faith in Jesus seriously is that we suffer from a sort of narcissism that urges us to sales-pitch Jesus into people's lives. We're uncomfortable when we feel like we have the "truth" pinned down and we hear someone else speak on their own beliefs and they have come to an opposite philosophical conclusion to our own. And since my days are currently filled giving sales pitch after sales pitch after sales pitch, my instinct is to try and sell Jesus.
Any good salesperson knows, though, that a good product sells itself. If I drive to a BMW dealership in a Kia, nobody has to sell me on the more expensive car: they just have to get me behind the wheel. But when we evangelize (if we even bother), our aim is rarely that. If Jesus is the best thing to happen to us, why do we think that there's anything we could say that would be better than a demonstration? And that's the problem! We're terrible at demonstrating the power of God! Christians do more harm than good by unwittingly convincing the world around them that being transformed by God makes you act like a son of Satan.
Perhaps it was naive of me to start expecting the church to function as a spiritual infirmary. Over and over, I've entered hoping that someone would help rehabilitate me from my state of bitterness, despair, and depression. Most of the time, I'm seeking healing from the injuries inflicted by another church! Sadly, most churches succeed only in turning cuts and bruises into gaping wounds and broken bones.
It doesn't get any easier when you get into the ministry. I once worked with a pastor who was so bad, he conditioned me to distrust all pastors. I'm almost two years removed from the experience and I still find myself wincing at the times I'm accustomed to being reamed and tormented by my pastor. My current partner in ministry is so gracious, I have to verbally remind myself constantly that he is nothing like the man I used to work with.
The phrase "spiritual malpractice" popped into my head a few days ago. In the medical field, "malpractice" is used to refer to medical treatment that exacerbates a patient's illness rather than facilitating healing and wellness. It is essentially doing your job in such a way that you produce the exact opposite results of what is intended. So when I see a minister whose every movement is a counterproductive action against his/her intended purpose, which is ultimately to influence people into a deeper relationship with God, I wish for a way to charge him/her with spiritual malpractice.
And while I imagine seeing the man, who almost made me leave the ministry for good, being put behind bars simply for acting in such a way in his position that I can only adequately describe with words I mustn't use, I'm humbled by the fact that I'm prone to do far worse. Although I'm certain that he is still oblivious to how poorly he handled his responsibilities as a spiritual leader, I realize that I could easily make a case for why I'm ten times worse for a position in spiritual leadership.
Doesn't it ultimately attest to the veracity of the phrase "hurt people hurt people"? That man's actions were neither clumsy nor arbitrary. They were a calculated product of experiences that have shaped his character. In other words, he hurt other people because someone hurt him. Hurt people hurt people. And while the laws that govern momentum dictate that the destruction that was hurled into my life must continue its trajectory onward into the lives of others, I'm resolving that this is where it must stop.
I'll never stop people from hurting me. That's just part of life. And the chances are that I've still got a few more people who will end up being hurt by me. I hope those numbers will be few. But I hope that my life will overwhelmingly be characterized by astounding love. I want my ministry, my legacy, and my evangelism to be rooted in a demonstration of God's love that surprises people. I want to carry myself with such integrity and love that I will stand in stark contrast to what this world has become accustomed to.
More than anything else in the world, it's about the Gospel. Christianity isn't about following rules or being good. It's not about church and it's not about tradition. It's about knowing the truth that we have been extended a gift of grace that we absolutely don't deserve and that accepting it is easier than cashing a check or opening an envelope. I want people to know that knowing Christ is not about performance expectations: it's about having a conversation.
I know I've been guilty of spiritual malpractice, but I hope that I will get better at staying out of the way when God wants to work in people's lives. My greatest wish now isn't that I would influence people to talk to God, but that I would stay out of the way of God speaking to them. That's easier said than done, but God doesn't need us to sell Him. When God is active in our lives, He sells Himself.
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